Past Life Story - Unbinding the Tarot Reader
Fortune from the Etteilla Tarot Deck created by Etteilla (Jean-Baptiste Alliette) published between 1783 and 1787, in Paris and Amsterdam.
Very often the vow that comes up to be released in past life sessions is the vow to close down or reject personal ancestral gifts. This can be very confusing in our present incarnation as we will still be drawn, and deeply passionate about our gifts but will find it very hard to embrace and share them with others - especially if we try and embrace it as our vocation again. It creates pain, confusion and fear of something that should be treasured and celebrated - natural gifts and trust in them.
In 2009 I was teaching tarot courses to help others to trust their intuition and develop their own individual way of reading and sensing messages from the cards. I was always blown away by the magical readers who came to develop their gifts with me and I remember these years of sitting in weekly tarot circles with my students very fondly. Recently I was contacted by Candice, a student I remembered well, requesting a past life session. I remembered Candice so well because she was one of the most naturally gifted readers I’d had the pleasure of teaching.
But there was an internal battle going on within Candice and I could see this too - she was afraid of her gifts.
Candice told me that she had recently begun to offer her service of tarot reading to the public. I was thrilled for her because this has been such a long time coming and she is so good! But she then told me how much anxiety she felt when having to give difficult news to her clients. I explained to her that a reader is merely an interpreter for the cards and that often in our life the difficult times are our biggest teachers and assist huge shifts towards growth. I told Candice that I am always grateful when my cards inform me that it's time to release an old dream that doesn't serve me or that I am about to go through a period of understanding my fears.
The reader's role is not to give a sugar-coated sweet reading every time as that would be false and is not a true reflection of life and the circle of birth, death and rebirth that we go through each day just like every cell of our body.
While Candice understood this on a mental level she said she could still feel something very deep and fearful about one day having to be the ‘bearer of bad news'.
This is Candice's Swan past life recollection of the events that created these still deeply held beliefs and fears:
"I decided to have a journeying session with Julia to discover the blocks I have in becoming a tarot reader. For such a long time I had wanted to start my tarot business but could not find the courage to. I had so many fears going into it. I have tried to give tarot up so many times before with many times throwing out my decks, my notes and any books I had on the tarot. But for some reason I keep feeling drawn to it.
This journey with Julia was truly a blessing. As I closed my eyes and relaxed I felt the presence of my family, ancestors and spirit guides with me in the room as I went completely within myself. I could feel myself travel back in time. I was directed to a lake and in this lake I saw a First Nations woman with long black hair, at first I couldn't tell if they were a male or female then I realised it was a young male. He was 24 years old. He was me and I was him. I asked him what is it that is blocking me from reaching my full potential. With a hardness in his eyes he could not tell me. Like he had shut it off from his heart, instead he took me on a little canoe across the water. He was pointing to the other side of the mountain. He left me on the other side of the river and I walked to the other side of the mountain by myself as he did not want to come.
As I went there and walked on the land it was so hard for me to see what was there. There was so much smoke lingering around. It was all grey and white before me and the tents that remained were just ashy. As I realised who's village this was my eyes filled with tears as I realised that this was my own village. My village was attacked and destroyed.
I was then shown what I did in this life time. I was someone who had the gift of sight. Elders who held leadership within the community came to me for guidance for the tribe. I could not believe that those who were so much older than I held me in such high regard. I foresaw the tragic event of the destruction of my village long before it happened and I did not tell anyone as I wanted to be wrong and I wanted the best for my people.
When this destruction actually happened to my people and community and I watched it and knew that I had foreseen and predicted these events, my eyes welled up again and I had such a heaviness in my chest. I felt heartbroken. I felt helpless with so much guilt for what happened. Something that I could have prevented but I didn’t.
As a punishment for myself in that life time I isolated myself from everyone and everything. I lived alone in a cave until I was a very old man. I saw that I died alone in my cave and I never spoke to anyone again. I never practised any more magic or seership again in that life time as it was too hard for me.
I punished myself for what had happened.
My journey allowed me to be with the man that I was, I told him that this was not his fault and he only wanted the best. I also told him that I will make this right in this lifetime. I got it. I understood all his fear, pain and sadness because I feel it in my current life time. All the times I read for others all the readings I have sent out the process of when I do readings all of the pain and anxiety was so familiar because it was all his. The pain I have held onto so long has forced me to suppress my gifts because I was still too scared to hurt another person.
For such a long time I had all these anxieties when doing readings and everything finally made sense. I had a fear for reading people older than me, I also had a fear when turning over the cards I saw just in case I saw something that was not favourable. I would actually stress for the one I was reading for.
Now I have learnt with Julia and this past life journey with her that the not great things I see in a reading can actually be of benefit. Now when I read I have such an inner confidence within me. I feel confident that I am doing exactly what I should be doing and I don't fear the reading like I used to. This doesn’t mean I still don't have normal anxiety but I have an inner knowing that I came here to earth with this ability and to share it. I love my tarot readings and love helping people and now know that I have the ability to do so.
Thank you Julia for allowing me to go on this journey back to myself. You have given me the confidence to truly believe in my inner strengths and abilities from lifetimes before. A confidence of knowing my true abilities and purpose and why I am here. Forever grateful to you and your gifts. Thank you."
Candice 2016,
I am thrilled to hear Candice speak and write these words. Her gifts are beautiful and she brings such insight and clarity to her readings and now she can share them with a strong and open heart. It’s a terrible feeling to be withholding our natural gifts - to be afraid of personal intuitive abilities. We are learning to break through our fears and release old beliefs that do not fit or belong to us in this time and often our biggest fear is our own power.