I don't know about you but I've been fighting an inner demon since that last super moon. She shone a big silver spotlight into the darkest cave and I have been feeling something moving back there ever since. But I've been too afraid to look. When I think of the moon I'm always aware of shadow and light and that the moon often helps us to illuminate what we might normally miss or deny. This made me think about the power of that super moon travelling closest to the earth and how we are made up of so much water - how could we not be influenced by her magnetic pull?
For the last 10 days I have been feeling anxious and sad. There have been so many tragic events taking place in the world. And I have felt SCARED! That's a really hard thing to admit isn't it? That we can feel so scared especially about something that we can't even name. I've noticed this happening in my close friends as well. All of us spinning in our own orbit, distracted and well, a bit lost. I kept hearing myself and my friends asking, 'Is this it? Is this really how we are meant to be living, just working to survive?' Survival fears are our most primal and overwhelming. I couldn't help it they just kept returning each day. At the same time I was also hearing my friends talk about the afterlife, near death experiences and even their own memories of heaven. What if the moon shone a light on ways that we are now living that are hurting our spirits? What if She came to illuminate our shadows so that we had to face them and begin to make the changes needed to live in a way that is meaningful and nourishing? Did a deep part of us remember these ancient and sacred times again since her visit? There is so much in western society that actively shuts down access to the mystery and to consciousness but that is becoming a door that will not stay closed. We are seeking again.
Last night, Tony and I drove with Fox up to the top of Mt. Donna Buang to visit the natural spring that we love so much. It was dusk and as we climbed higher and higher we noticed chunks of ice and snow. It was a magical sight to see the spring surrounded by snow - a soft, white pillow for the medicine doll that I left behind as a gift to the next visitor of the spring. She was made at Winter Solstice and my wish was that she would be found by someone who really needed to remember that there is magic and mystery in this world. And I prayed to the spring and the spirits of the water and land that take care of it. I asked them to please help me. I didn't want to feel so tired and lost any more.
This morning I woke up early and began to feel the gnawing pain of fear again and I'd had enough! I got out my tarot cards and decided I would look at this fear - head on. I laid out my owl wing fan and whale bone, the wisdom and record keepers, and Touchstone Tarot deck designed by Kat Black who I'd had the honour to meet with years ago. I created a new Tarot spread: looking at the scary! What was that dark shape moving there at the back of the cave? I wanted to create a reading to help me to finally name and know my deepest fear. What I discovered were old beliefs and behaviours I was almost embarrassed to own but once I did I found they were hiding my greatest treasure – my gifts and my medicine. Treasure that felt so precious I was afraid to let it out fully into the world, to be scrutinised and judged. And who was holding this treasure – a radiant child! I call her the Cosmic Child – the one who has known my gifts and talents and medicine for lifetimes and is here to remind of them again.
Whatever way you choose to illuminate your shadow and face your fears, I encourage you to be brave! Go for it! There is nothing worse than living in fear and nothing better than knowing exactly who you are and how to help yourself feel better, stronger, free. So I can truthfully say that today I am in gratitude and awe at that mighty crystalline orb and what felt like the scariest 10 days I’ve had for a long, long time. Dear SisterMoon, thank you for your light! Cosmic Child I look forward to playing with you again wise creature.
Card positions and meanings (reading from bottom to top):
Position 1. (Bottom card) What Is: Position 2. What is your Scary: Position 3. Why is this so frightening: Position 4. The Old Belief that is feeding the Scary: Position 5. The New Practice that allow you to be an open channel for love and to shine without fear.
Sometimes when we are emotionally overwhelmed or feeling blocked it can be hard to navigate and interpret our own readings, if you would like assistance you can book a reading with Julia
Testimonials for Shining a Light on the Scary – Illuminating the Cosmic Child Readings
‘I had been in lockdown, scared to move either way for some unknown fear that was clawing in the pit of my stomach. I was feeling melancholy and having overwhelming thoughts, questioning everything I stood for and struggling with my life path. Julia’s reading unlocked answers on a cosmic level. In her shadow reading with me I got to face this fear with Julia’s assistance and found out that what I truly feared more than anything else was being myself and shining. I know right?! I feared owning my medicine, truly owning it.
It was time to come out of the cave and offer my medicine to all, rather than to a select few. I had been dulling myself down so as not to gain attention. Trying to contain my energy rather than share it. It was time to come out and that’s why I was afraid. Julia touched on a past life issue of a fear of persecution, fear of judgement from others – it has led me to wanting to ‘fit in’, wanting to be liked and normal (oh the horror). My fear was of showing my power and being ridiculed for my light. Fear of being labelled a show off. Fear of being noticed.
I am a healer, nurse, wise woman, witch, death walker and death doula. I walk between worlds and I have for as long as I remember. I’m the one holding your blood and guts in my hands. I’m the one with you as you take your last breath. Julia’s shadow reading was like being given a mirror to hold up to my face and there was no escape. It showed me the past, my shadow and the deepest locked away feelings and memories that I held at my core. Knowing and facing these fears helped me to step through them to embrace all that I am.’
(Shining a Light on the Scary – facing our fears Tarot session)